![]() ![]() Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.” 11. “The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. “There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.” 10. “There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.” 9. “Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”Ĩ. ![]() “Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.” 7. “I’m not interested in caring about people.” 6. Talking about an IPod: “TOM PUT ALL MY RECORDS INTO THIS RECTANGLE. ![]() “Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. “I’d wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.”ģ. Which is water that is lying about being milk.”Ģ. “There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Looking for more quotes from your favorites from Parks and Rec? Check out our pages for Leslie Knope, April Ludgate, and more!ġ. And who could forget his incomparable mustache?” Ok so he wasn’t that wise, but he did say things that would make your mind do a double-take. Apart from his strangeness, Ron was also confident, a leader, and wise. Just when you thought you couldn’t laugh any harder, he always came through with his deadpan weirdness. It’s no secret that Ron Ulysses Swanson is an oddity. Though we wouldn’t advise you to follow Ron Swanson’s advice about much of anything - after all, he is known for literally not getting anything done - it is really, really friggin’ funny. The gruff and stoic Parks and Rec character, played by Nick Offerman, has some fantastic takes on marriage, relationships, friendship and food. Just like his mustache, Ron Swanson quotes are pretty amazing. ![]()
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